THE ZONEMASTER:

triumphing over the TZ disaster

in the allegorical film art

of Don Coscarelli

 

by Gary W. Wright

 

        It was difficult enough to be a Good and determined but short, skinny, weak, sickly, moody, brooding, painfully self conscious, angry, depressed, unhappy, acne and brace-faced and always sullen and achingly horny sadolescent J.D. Jedi Knight before late July of 1982, but it became even more difficult after that fatal and fateful day that a helicopter crash killed actor/writer/director Vic Morrow and illegally hired and employed child extras Renee Chen and Myca Le around 2:20 am in the early morning of July 23, 1982 on the George Folsey jr. produced John Landis set of the twilit, allegorical, Kathleen Kennedy associate produced, Frank Marshall produced and Landis and Steven Spielberg executive produced Landis, Spielberg, Joe Dante and George Miller docufeature film TWILIGHT ZONE: THE MOVIE (1983).  For within days of the TZ disaster, it was discovered that Folsey jr., Kennedy and Marshall had helped Landis track down and illegally use Chen and Le after hours and near dangerous explosives on that fateful and fatal night, making it clear that the TZ disaster was not the entirely surprising and unfortunate mishap it had appeared to be at the outset.  ?!And what the hell did Spielberg know about the use of Chen and Le near dangerous explosives after hours, given that he was man who behind and overall commander of TWILIGHT ZONE: THE MOVIE?

        Just as outraging and shocking was the unexpected confirmation after the TZ disaster from the head J.D. Jedi himself, George Lucas jr., that despite the revelation that the illegal actions of Kennedy and Marshall had contributed to the deaths of Chen, Le and Morrow in the TZ disaster, he would still honour a commitment made before the fatal fiasco to work as executive producer with Kennedy and Marshall as producers of the twilit, allegorical, computer generated imagery (CGI) enhanced and Ozian themed Spielberg indie docufeature film INDIANA JONES AND THE TEMPLE OF DOOM (1984), which was a sequel to the eerily and ominously twilit, allegorical, Ozian themed, Lucas executive produced, Marshall produced and implicitly William Friedkin roasting Spielberg indie docufeature film RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK (1981).  An unexpected, shocking, outraging and disappointing confirmation, indeed, for Lucas had primly preached for years that the Good Force of law and order, peace and politesse, health and harmony, morality and spirituality must be with you always in order to succeed in this life and the next in the first two implicitly and ironically Spielberg roasting installments of the STAR WARS Classic Trilogy, the allegorical, CGI enhanced and Ozian themed Lucas indie docufeature film STAR WARS EPISODE IV: A NEW HOPE (1977) and the presciently twilit, allegorical, CGI enhanced, Ozian themed and Lucas executive produced Irvin Kershner indie docufeature film STAR WARS EPISODE V: THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK (1980).

        Not surprisingly, young J.D. Jedi like my peerless peers and myself at the time hit the roof in insensate and incoherent fury at this incensing nonsense, despondently and angrily convinced that Lucas had revealed himself to be Lord Stinkious, Darkest of the insidious and duplicitous Dark Lords, a cruel and callous Sith Lord indifferent to human life and only interested in amassing beastly CGI enhanced blockbuster profits!  The fact that Lucas did not mention the TZ disaster at the time and to this day only strengthened that conviction.  The fact that working with Lucas on an Indy sequel allowed Kennedy, Marshall and Spielberg to flee to Elstree Studios in England to begin pre-production work on INDIANA JONES AND THE TEMPLE OF DOOM and thus avoid any more revealing and incriminating interviews with the police and press regarding the TZ disaster and stressful time on the witness stand at the TZ trial also affirmed the conviction of youthful Jedi that Lucas was indeed insidious Lord Stinkious.  This Dark conviction became certain in October of ’82 when a double bill of STAR WARS EPISODE IV: A NEW HOPE and STAR WARS EPISODE V: THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK arrived in the Temple Theatre which were preceded by a trailer for the once eagerly awaited trimax of the STAR WARS Classic Trilogy that revealed that the twilit, allegorical, CGI enhanced, Ozian themed, Lucas executive produced and implicitly Spielberg roasting Richard Marquand indie docufeature film was titled STAR WARS EPISODE VI: REVENGE OF THE JEDI (1983), despite the fact that all true J.D. Jedi knew that Jedi Knights used their powerful Force for defense, never for attack or revenge.

        Thus, by early October of ’82 and to the shocked, confused, infuriated, embittered, and despondent dismay and disappointment of full throttle young J.D. Jedi Knights in Canada, the U.S. and around the world, the daylit Skyrocking dream had been brutally and violently replaced by a twilit Skyfalling twilightmare, an infuriating and depressing cinematic nightmare that has never been swept away by another inspiring cinematic dream to this day-though not for want of determined and desperate cinematic striving.  For into this incredibly infuriating, frustrating, embittering and depressing era a fearless and unforgettable, commanding and courageous film arrived in the Temple Theatre on August 22, 1982, the eerily and presciently twilit and hopefully daylit, allegorical and Ozian themed Don Coscarelli jr. film THE BEASTMASTER (1982).

 

“Don’t move.

The beast is fierce.

But if we show no fear,

we might escape.”

 

        Curiously, the film began at night with a gate rising to admit a twilit trio of robed and hooded men into a maze of unpaved lanes in a small city.  Soon they left the labryinth and found themselves in a small square lit by torches burning in pillars.  On the other side of the square was a small pyramid with a passageway in the middle flanked by stairways that led to the top of the pyramid.  The twilit trio crossed the square and entered the dark depths of the middle passage of the pyramid, which led to a room deep inside where another twilit trio, this one a twilit trio of statuesque but hideous faced witches straight out of the allegorical narrative art of Grandmaster Richard Corben-particularly the perennially appearing and narrating Mag the Hag-and the allegorical William Shakespeare play MACBETH (1604)-and played by Janet DeMay, Janet Jones and Chrissy Kellog, respectively-writhed around a boiling and bubbling cauldron.  After signalling to his companions to wait outside the room, the middle of the male trio strode up to the witches in the room and pulled back his hood to reveal a sinister, arch eyebrowed and hook nosed countenance, a forbidding face that was addressed by the witches as Maax, the implicitly Wicked Warlock of the West linked High Priest of the city of Arok-played by Rip Torn. 

        Fittingly, given that the three witches evoked the three witches met at the beginning of MACBETH, but to the dismay of Maax, the weird witches revealed that they could see the future in the bubbling broth of the cauldron, a fearful future that saw Maax defeated and killed by the “unborn” son of someone called King Zed.  This dire prophecy caused “Mad” Maax to scornfully reply that he would immediately kill this “unborn” son before this son killed him, a baneful boast that was heard by King Zed.  For at that moment, the king-played by Rod Loomis-burst into the room with several guards, including sturdy Seth-played by John Amos-all with drawn swords.  Taking “Mad” Maax captive, King Zed banished the Evil High Priest of Aaaaaarrrrgggh! to the barbarian Jun cursed outlands on horseback.  However, as he was being ridden out of the city of Arok under guard, he made Evil eye contact with another witch walking into the city leading a cow.  This witch understood the message Maax was silently transmitting her, for she led the cow into the city of Arok and, stealthily sneaking into the bedchamber of King Zed and his Queen-played by Vanna Bonta-used her weird witchy power to paralyze the sleeping couple and transfer their unborn son from the stomach of the pregnant queen to the stomach of the cow and then flee the city.

        Significantly, outside Arok the weird witch stopped to rest in a clearing in a forest.  Building a fire, she cut the unborn boy-played by the fittingly surnamed Blake Bolger-from the stomach of the cow and carried it back to the fire.  However, instead of throwing the babe into the fire and cackling with malovelent delight as it burned, the witch branded Dar’s sinister left hand with a symbol representing the small step pyramid seen in Arok, and then raised a knife and prepared to kill the boy.  Luckily for young Dar, a humble but strong, Good and Harvey Kurtzman resembling farmer named Gar-his name eerily and presciently anticipating the arrival of Gardevil, and played by Ben Hammer-happened on the scene and killed the implicitly Wicked Witch of the East linked witch with his three bladed boomerang kapir throwing knife and his trusty samurai sword, thus saving the boy and ending the prologue of the film.  Curiously, the implicitly Wicked Witch of the East linked weird witch exploded and disappeared when Gar tossed her into the fire, leaving only her taunting cackle before that disappeared, too.  Just as curiously, the exact same thing happened when the implicitly Stanley Kubrick and Scarecrow linked Conan the Cimmerian-another hero prophesied for great things, and played by Arnold Schwarzenegger-tossed an equally weird and implicitly Wicked Witch of the East linked werewitch-played by Cassandra Gava-into a fire at the beginning of the eerily and presciently twilit, allegorical, Ozian themed and implicitly Stinkious roasting John Milius docufeature artbuster CONAN THE BARBARIAN (1982), released only three months before THE BEASTMASTER, in one of the many similarities between the two films.

Gar then took the babe, as ironically bald as one of the lesser priests of Aaaarrrgghh!, back to his small village of Emir, where the lad was greeted warmly by the villagers and, in time, dubbed “Dar”, whose name evoked and was perhaps inspired by the death defying American stuntman Dar Robinson, who became the first person to successfully leap off the CN Tower in downtown Toronto for the allegorical Peter Carter indie docufeature film HIGHPOINT (1982).  Significantly, when he was ten years old, Dar-played by Billy Jayne-saved Gar by facing down and mastering a blockbuster bear beast with psychic powers he suddenly discovered he had after the brutal beast had mauled a fellow villager named Tiis-played by Paul Reynolds-to death.  And so the legend of the Beastmaster was born.

        Alas, some ten years after Dar discovered that he was the Beastmaster, “Mad” Maax showed up at Emir in the middle of Act One with a group of brutal, violent and Hun evoking Juns commanded by a Jun leader-played by Tony Eppers-a big man who, with his cape and horned and masked helmet, looked like a cross between David Prowse’s implicitly Akira Kurosawa linked Darth Vader in the STAR WARS Classic Trilogy and Kjell Nilsson’s implicitly Lord Stinkious linked Lord Humungous in the eerily and presciently twilit, allegorical, Ozian themed and implicitly Stinkious roasting Miller indie docufeature film THE ROAD WARRIOR (1982), also released only months before, a link to that film increased by the fact that Gar’s boomerang kapir throwing knife evoked the razor sharp boomerang of the Feral Kid-played by Emil Minty-and by the beautiful and remote desert locations in each film.  Here they found that Dar had grown up to be a tall, muscular, handsome, blonde, Mark Hamill resembling and James Cameron anticipating young man played by the Vancouver born and raised Marc Singer, who was fittingly born and raised in Vancouver given the implicit link of Dar to Dar Robinson.  Alas, to the horror of Dar, the Jun leader and his merciless Juns proceeded to attack and burn down the village and slaughter its inhabitants. 

Significantly, the arrival of “Mad” Maax and the Jun hordes evoked the arrival of King Arthur-played by Graham Chapman-and his fellow Grail Knights at an irritating and irrepressible French castle at the end of the allegorical and implicitly New Hollywood roasting Terry Gilliam and Terry Jones indie docufeature film MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL (1975).  Thus, this allusion implied that “Mad” Maax was linked to Gilliam or Jones, and most likely the former given that the resemblance of Gar to Kurtzman reminded us that Kurtzman was a mentor to the young Gilliam.  Indeed, the fact that the three weird witches met in the film’s creepy prologue evoked the three blind and equally prophetic witches-played by Freda Jackson, Anna Manahan and Flora Robson, respectively-who were met in the eerily twilit, allegorical and implicitly Gilliam toasting and Spielberg roasting Desmond Davis docufeature film CLASH OF THE TITANS (1981), which had implicitly linked Gilliam to perseverant Perseus-played by Harry Hamlin-reaffirmed the implication that Gilliam was linked to “Mad” Maax.  The film’s allusions to the madcap allegorical Gilliam indie animaction film TIME BANDITS (1981) also affirmed the implicit link of Maax to Gilliam.

        Ironically, this attack on the village of Dar evoked the similar attack on the village of the boy Conan-played by Jorge Sanz-by barbarians led by the insidious and implicitly Stinkious and Wicked Warlock of the West linked Thulsa Doom-played by James E. Jones, who was the electronically modified voice of Darth Vader, Lord of the Sith, in the STAR WARS Classic Trilogy-that kicked off CONAN THE BARBARIAN, thus bookending the TZ disaster between two very similar and vengeful fantasy films.  An ironic link, indeed, for while CONAN THE BARBARIAN implicitly roasted Stinkious before he confused and enraged fans by announcing that he was going to work with Kennedy, Marshall and Spielberg on INDIANA JONES AND THE TEMPLE OF DOOM, THE BEASTMASTER implicitly toasted Stinkious after he confused and enraged J.D. Jedi fans with that abysmal announcement. 

Significantly, after surviving the attack with the help of his Toto evoking dog Bodo to affirm the implicit Ozian theme of the film, an Ozian theme that evoked the Ozian theme of the STAR WARS Classic Trilogy to reaffirm the implicit link to Dar to Lucas, Dar ended Act One by setting fire to Emir and the corpses of its villagers-including that of Gar, reminding us that Conan’s father-played by William Smith-also died in the attack on the Cimmerian village at the beginning of CONAN THE BARBARIAN.  Dar then resignedly kicked off Act Two by setting out from the burning ruins of Emir to avenge the deaths of Gar, Bodo and the rest of the people of the village with the help of Gar’s kapir throwing knife and his sword, an unusually long and virile samurai sword that reminded us that the Good and lightsaber wielding J.D. Jedi Knights of the Ozian themed STAR WARS Classic Trilogy were inspired by the samurai knights of the film art of Kurosawa, an inspiration for Stinkious.  Thus, the implication was that Dar was linked to Stinky, an implication affirmed by the resemblance of Dar to Hamill.  Another ironic implication, given that the main theme of THE BEASTMASTER by Lee Holdridge evoked that of the allegorical and implicitly Lord Stinkious roasting telefilm series BATTLESTAR GALACTICA (1978-80).

        Curiously, as he left the smoking remains of his violated village, Dar found a great, powerful and airy eagle silently waiting for him high in a tree.  The implicit link of this great, powerful and airy eagle named Sharak to the great, powerful and Air linked Great Oz reaffirmed the implicit link of Dar to Stinkious, reminding us again of the Ozian theme and Skywalking spirit of the STAR WARS Classic Trilogy.  Significantly, Dar found to his humbled surprise that a psychic link allowed him to see through the eyes of the Airy eagle, but alas not well enough to avoid some quicksand he soon fell into, a temporarily frozen state that implicitly linked the two mischievous and avaricious ferrets, as mischievous and fond of stealing as the madcap Munchkin Film Bandits of TIME BANDITS, that rescued him to the frozen by Water Tin Man before they were laughingly dubbed Kodo and Podo by Dar in memory of the Toto evoking Bodo.  Soon after, the Great Eagle, the Tinny ferrets and the handsome, Earthy and implicitly Scarecrow linked Dar teamed up to prevent a group of Jun thugs from torturing to death a Fiery black tiger-!actually a tiger painted black!-an implicitly Cowardly Lion linked beast that was as faithful and indomitable as the implicitly Toto linked dog of the implicitly David Cronenberg linked “Mad” Max Rockatansky-played by Mel Gibson-in THE ROAD WARRIOR and that was promptly dubbed Ruh by the fearless Beastmaster when it completed the healing, harmonizing and elemental fantastic Ozian foursome.

        Significantly, soon after completing their group, the five implicit and healing Ozian companions met the eternally beautiful, fearless, feisty and implicitly Dorothy linked Kiri-who also evoked Carrie Fisher’s implicitly Dorothy linked Princess Leia Organna of the STAR WARS Classic Trilogy, and was played by Tanya Roberts-who turned out to be enslaved to “Mad” Maax.  Strangely, after revealing that fact and bewitching Dar with her beauty-so much so that he forced a decidedly non-PC kiss on her, before Kiri casually tossed Dar on the ground-she then returned to life as a slave for “Mad” Maax in Arok.  Causing the smitten and psychic Darzan and his elemental Ozian companions to follow her back to the city of Arok to liberate her, thus ending Act Two.

        Strangely, Act Three began with Dar and his elemental Ozian companions coming across a settlement of eerie and flying monkey evoking bat people and their leader-played by Daniel Zormeier-who were so impressed by Sharak that they allowed them to leave, alive.  A good thing, for a male human head that Dar found floating in one of their bubbling cauldrons implied that he and his companions would have also wound up in pieces as well, and was another eerie premonition of the upcoming decapitation of poor Morrow.  Leaving the eerie and head luvin’ bat people, Dar, Sharak, Ruh, Kodo and Podo arrived in Arok just in time to see to their shocked horror a wailing boy-played by Al Smithee-tossed into a blazing pit on top of the small step pyramid by “Mad” Maax, an Evil sacrifice to Arrgggghh! that was aided by the red robed lower priests and two remaining weird Wicked witches of the High Priest and an Evil sacrifice that evoked a young woman-played by Leslie Foldvary-sacrificed to Set the snake god by the implicitly Walter Murch linked Rexor, High Priest of Set-played by Ben Davidson-at the first Temple of Doom encountered in CONAN THE BARBARIAN and Conan’s arrival at Thulsa’s equally towering Temple of Doom at the Mountain of Power in that film.  Alas, while too late to stop this insidious child sacrifice and save this Le evoking boy, Dar used his psychic link with Sharak to compel the great and powerful eagle to swoop down from the Airy heights and catch the next child sacrifice of “Mad” Maax, a Chen evoking girl-played by Kim Tabet-in its powerful beak and fly away with the girl after she was also tossed into the flaming pit by the Evil High Priest of Arrrggggh! high atop the twisted Temple of Doom.  Soon after returning the child to her parents, Dar left the city, met up with Seth and his younger Munchkin brother Tal-played by Joshua Milrad-in the outlands, and the two travellers combined with Dar to rescue Kiri, bringing Act Three to a happy conclusion.

Thus, given that over the course of Acts Four and Five dauntless Dar and his four Ozian companions teamed up with Seth and Tal and, after numerous narrow escapes, desperate battles and calamitous kung fu kicks, rescued Kiri again before she was also sacrificed along with King Zed by “Mad” Maax, his lower priests and the last weird Wicked witch in broad daylight high atop the Temple of Aaaarrrggggghhh!, and then defeated and killed the Jun leader and his Hun Jun hordes in a brutal nighttime battle that ended the film-a final battle that included setting fire to a tar filled moat that surrounded the city of Arok, setting off a huge explosion that evoked the explosion that brought down the helicopter in the TZ disaster and the even larger explosion that destroyed the bitterly contested and implicitly Old Hollywood linked oil refinery in the post-apocalyptic desert wastelands in THE ROAD WARRIOR-in order to bring Ozian health and harmony back to the world, Coscarelli implied his hope that Stinkious would triumph over Gilliam and bring elemental Ozian health and harmony back to audiences, film art, film artists and the Temple Theatre with the trimax of the STAR WARS Classic Trilogy.  Indeed, the fact that the truly fantastic film fittingly ended in dauntless daylight with Dar and Kiri kissing passionately-a creepy kiss, given that Tal had revealed that Kiri was his cousin, making her the cousin of Dar and, hence, both of them kissing cousins-high atop a butte in a stunning desertscape in the Simi Valley, California location of the shoot north of Los Angeles that evoked the stunning desertscapes of Tatooine in the STAR WARS Classic Trilogy affirmed the hopeful Stinkious toasting intent of THE BEASTMASTER.

        Significantly, Coscarelli’s implied intent was not only not to be, it was ignored by outraged young audience members, particularly young J.D. Jedi teenaged boys around the world like myself, when THE BEASTMASTER showed up in the Fall of ’82 on either First Choice or Superchannel or both, the first cable tv channels in Canada, after the fearless film bombed in the theatres.  For in a classic case of audiences transforming the meaning of a film to suit their own allegorical purposes, furious young male and female fans gave the vengeful film a new implicit intent, transforming themselves in their imaginations into Dar and Kiri and turning their dual triumph over the child sacrificing “Mad” Maax and his weird Wicked witches and the Jun leader and his hordes of brutal Juns into an implicit triumph of young male and female viewers over the child sacrificing Marshall and his fellow producer and luver Kennedy and over John Landis and his brutal film crew on the set of his episode of TWILIGHT ZONE: THE MOVIE.  Particularly outraged Canadian adolescent males like the poor ol’ Gardevil, given that Singer was born and raised in Vancouver.  In fact, THE BEASTMASTER inspired furious fans around the world to rise up in the same grim and furious determination of Dar, Kodo, Podo, Ruh, Sharak, Kiri, Tal and Seth and launch an indignant letter campaign that led to Stinky changing the name of the trimax of the STAR WARS Classic Trilogy to STAR WARS EPISODE VI: RETURN OF THE JEDI shortly before the release of that film.

        Alas for outraged young fans and for Coscarelli, STAR WARS EPISODE VI: RETURN OF THE JEDI did not sweep away the disastrous and fatal twilight and return daylit peace, health and harmony back to audiences, film art, film artists and the Temple Theatre after its release.  Instead, the feckless film and its intergalactic teddy bears outraged young fans as much as the TZ disaster, convincing them that Stinky had indeed revealed himself to be Lord Stinkious, the ultimate insidious Sith Lord.  Furious fans who were grimly pleased when Coscarelli teamed up again with Hammer for another gruelling location shoot ror the twilit, allegorical indie docufeature film SURVIVAL QUEST (1988), released on September 9, 1988.

 

“The only thing holding you back

is fear.”

 

        For in the triumph of a group of ordinary indie people on a holistic and peaceful wilderness survival trek over a rival group of violent, unstable and war obsessed wilderness survival trekkers known as the Blue Legion who were implicitly linked to the bigger film artists of the dread allegorical Zone Wars, Coscarelli implied his hope that audiences and indie film artists like himself would ultimately triumph over the major TZ disaster obsessed film artists who were battling away in the Zone Wars and lead film art back to a daylit and Zone War free neo eon of CGI enhanced film art.  Indeed, the implicit allegorical intent of SURVIVAL QUEST was affirmed by the fact that the gung ho and violent Blue Legion was led by Jake Cannon-played by Mark Ralston-who not only had a name that evoked James Cameron, and looked, talked and acted like Cameron, but was openly linked to Cameron as Ralston played Private Drake in the twilit, allegorical, CGI enhanced, Ozian themed and implicitly Dante and Spielberg roasting Cameron indie docufeature Zonebuster ALIENS (1986).

        In addition, Hank Chambers-played by Lance Henriksen-the leader of the peaceful trekkers and an adoptive child like Dar, also affirmed the film’s implicit Cameron addressing intent.  For Henriksen played Bishop the helpful, trustworthy and implicitly Tin Man linked android in ALIENS, police Chief Steven “Steve” Kimbrough in the twilit, allegorical and implicitly Sir Ridley Scott addressing Cameron indie docufeature film PIRANHA II: THE SPAWNING (1982) and Los Angeles Police Department Detective Hal Vukovich in the twilit, allegorical, CGI enhanced, Ozian themed and implicitly Stinkious roasting Cameron indie docufeature Zonebuster THE TERMINATOR (1984).  Last but not least, the grimly amusing sight and sound of the implicitly Lord Stinkious linked Blue Legionnaire Checker-played by Ken Daly-being shot dead late in the film by the implicitly Spielberg linked fellow Blue Legionnaire Raider-played by the fittingly Christian named Steve Antin-also implied that Coscarelli believed that Stinky had been betrayed by Spielberg and affirmed that major film artists of the dread allegorical Zone Wars other than Cameron were being roasted in SURVIVAL QUEST. 

Significantly, this implicit interest in roasting Cameron soon returned when Sylvio Tabet, the co-producer and co-executive producer of THE BEASTMASTER, donned the co-writer/director/producer hats to create the daylit, allegorical, Ozian themed and implicitly Lord Stinkious toasting indie docufeature film BEASTMASTER II: THROUGH THE PORTAL OF TIME (1991), released on June 8, 1991.

 

“Yo, Darth Vader!

What is this, some sort of movie set?”

 

        Curiously, after narrowly escaping execution, an execution ordered by the insidious and implicitly Cameron linked Evil warlord Arklon-played by Wings Hauser-and carried out by the equally insidious Inquisitor-his priestly robes evoking “Mad” Maax, his features resembling and anticipating Quentin Tarantino, and played by Charles Hyman-in another deadly Temple of Doom with the help of a new Fiery and implicitly Cowardly Lion linked regular tiger again named Ruh, a new Airy and implicitly Great Oz linked eagle again named Sharak, and two new Watery and implicitly Tin Man linked ferrets again named Kodo and Podo, the implicitly Scarecrow and Lord Stinkious linked Dar-played again by Singer-followed Lord Arklon and his implicitly Wicked Witch of the West and Kathryn Bigelow linked witch “advisor” Lyranna-played by Sarah Douglas-through a space/time portal from his alternate Earth to then contemporary Los Angeles in our alternate Earth.  Here he teamed up with the Kiri resembling and implicitly Dorothy and Sofia Carmina (SCC) Coppola linked Jackie Trent-played by Kari Wuhrer-and, with the help of a horseless carriage, relentless rock and roll and the delightfully doddering Admiral Binns-played by Larry Dobkin-triumphed over the dastardly duo of Arklon and Lyranna before they destroyed the Earth with a blockbuster bomb in the form of a dread neutron detonator, in the end.   That safely done, Dar left Kodo and Podo with Jackie on her Earth before using Arklon’s handy magic key to travel with Ruh and Sharak through the space/time portal back to his alternate Earth to the fittingly hard rockin’ sounds of the daylit, allegorical and Bill Wray written Wray tune “I Will Be Your Hero” (1991).

        Just as curiously, the implicitly Glinda and Bigelow linked Morganna-played by Lesley-Anne Down-then went on to help the implicitly Scarecrow and Lord Stinkious linked Dar-played again by Singer-when executive producer Tabet and Gabrielle Beaumont wrapped up the Beastmaster Trilogy with the tepid, tragicomic, daylit, allegorical and Ozian themed indie docufeature telefilm BEASTMASTER III: THE EYE OF BRAXUS (1996), a telefilm that was fittingly released on tv on May 24, 1996 and a trimax that was just as fittingly disappointing as STAR WARS EPISODE VI: RETURN OF THE JEDI given the implicit link of Dar to Lord Stinkious. 

 

“My friends call me Dar,

but you can call me…

the Beastmaster.”

 

Curiously, the same ol’ indomitable and psychic Darzan was now armed with a new ferret bladed and eagle and lion hilted sword and aided by a Fiery new and implicitly Cowardly Lion linked lion again named Ruh, an Airy new and implicitly Great Oz linked eagle again named Sharak, a Watery new and implicitly Tin Man linked pair of ferrets again named Kodo and Podo.  Together, they teamed up with Morganna and a new Seth-played by Tony Todd-the feisty, fearless, beautiful, blonde and implicitly Dorothy linked warrioress Shada-played by Sandra Hess-the implicitly Tim Burton linked tumbler Bey-played by Keith Coulouris-and the sympathetic Korum-played by the fittingly surnamed David G. Wright-to triumph over the Evil and implicitly Wicked Witch of the West and Francis Coppola linked Lord Agon-played by David Warner-and his ancient Greek evoking Crimson Warrior soldiers in order to save an older King Tal-played by Casper Van Dien-and his people of the city of Arok.  Alas, the tawdry trimatic film came across as the puerile pilot for a telefilm series, making it also fitting that the daylit, allegorical and Tabet co-executive produced indie docufeature telefilm series BEASTMASTER (1999-2002) which saw Singer return as the doughty Dartanus and the director of the daylit and allegorical Season Two indie docufeature telefilm “Destiny” (2001) and Daniel Goddard play a younger Dar did indeed spring like a phoenix from the awful ashes of BEASTMASTER III: THE EYE OF BRAXUS.

        Alas for Coscarelli and everyone else, SURVIVAL QUEST and THE BEASTMASTER did not end the dread allegorical Zone Wars and usher in a daylit neo eon of CGI enhanced film art.  In fact, the Zone Wars raged to this day, no doubt due to the fact that Folsey jr., Kennedy, Landis, Lord Stinkious, Marshall and Spielberg were all still alive and creating film “art” to this day.  Leading Zack Snyder and company to eventually fire their own Zone War salvo and recreate THE BEASTMASTER in the film’s twenty-fourth anniversary year in the equally masterful, twilit, allegorical and CGI enhanced animaction film 300 (2006), a film released on December 9, 2006 that was also inspired by the twilit and allegorical Frolickin’ Frank Miller narrative artwork 300 (1999).

 

“The world will never know

you existed at all.”

 

        Indeed, the sight and sound of a bald, young and implicitly Lord Stinkious linked Prince Leonidas of Sparta-played by Eli Snyder-killing a pursuing and blockbuster CGI wolf beast in a flashback early in the film evoked the sight and sound of the young Dar facing down and mastering a blockbuster bear beast with his psychic powers at the beginning of THE BEASTMASTER, implicitly affirming that THE BEASTMASTER inspired 300 and affirming the implicit link of Prince Leonidas to Lord Stinkious.  In fact, the shaven head of Prince Leonidas also affirmed his implicit link to Lord Stinkious, reminding us of the strange and shaven headed denizens of the subterranean world of the allegorical Lord Stinkious indie docufeature film THX 1138 (1971).  The sight and sound of the older King Leonidas-played by Gerard Butler-leading his fellow Spartans-their Spartan helmets and armour evoking the ancient Greek evoking helmets of the Crimson Warriors in BEASTMASTER III: THE EYE OF BRAXUS-in an epic CGI enhanced battle against the tall, commanding and implicitly Cameron linked Xerxes, divine Emperor of the Persian Empire-a fusion of “Mad” Maax and the Jun leader and played by Rodrigo Santoro-and his vast imperial army at the end of 300 reaffirmed that the film was a remake of THE BEASTMASTER.  For the brutal and bloody battle evoked the equally brutal and less bloody battle with “Mad” Maax and his priests of Arrrrrrggghhh! at the twisted Temple of Doom and then the brutal and explosive battle with the Jun leader and his Hun Juns at the end of THE BEASTMASTER.

        Significantly, as King Leonidas and his fearless Spartan Immortals stopped Xerxes and his massive army but died in the process, in the end, Snyder implied that he shared the general opinion that destroyed themselves did Lord Stinkious and his insidiously loyal followers at Industrial Light and Magic (ILM), Lucasfilm and Skywalker and THX Sound implicitly trying to topple King O’ The World Cameron and his film art with the then recently completed STAR WARS Tragic Trilogy.  Leaving still trapped in the Twilight Zone audiences, film art, film artists and the Temple Theatre and in need dire of a real legendary, liberating and implicitly Scarecrow linked hero to stride out of the lonely and forbidding desert with an unusually long and sturdy sword and cunning kapir, a new Airy and implicitly Great Oz linked eagle, two new and implicitly Water and Tin Man linked ferrets and a new Fiery and implicitly Cowardly Lion linked big cat to fulfill a creepy prophecy and triumph over Folsey jr., Kennedy, Landis, Lord Stinkious, Marshall and Spielberg and the TZ disaster at last in the healing and harmonizing elemental Ozian end, kicking off a daylit neo eon of CGI enhanced film art, a prophesied, indomitable and fearless hero best known as…the Zonemaster.

 

 

 

Bibliography

 

Miller, Frank.  300.  Milwaukie, OR: Dark Horse Comics, 1999.